dinner on the 26th at eatzi.

first.

my trip down to mustafa centre was much more than purchasing personal stuff at discounted prices.

while browsing at the makeup counter, i saw this beautiful lady in blue punjabi suit and head scarf motioning to me. i was oblivious to what she was saying because i had my playlist plugged in. she started off saying that i looked very familiar and we chatted up for a good half an hour.

one take away i received while talking to the arab lady was, "its only human nature to like to look at something beautiful. beautiful people, landscapes, God's creations. but what makes the person so much more beautiful than she already is, is her heart (and she touched her heart). the most beautiful person is the ugliest, without a good heart. with a good heart, beauty will simply shine through."

subhanAllah.
jazakillahu khoiron, aunty hawa.

it was you and me against the world

and you promised me forever more

was it something that i said?

was it something that i did?

cause i got to know

what made me unbeautiful.

1054 days.

i cant remember the last time i had one. i had an ice cream on the sweltering hot tuesday afternoon. vanilla with rasberry swirls and a cruncy biscuit cone from macs. it tasted so good - especially when it was the brother who got it for me, from his own dollar.

tonight, i had dinner with a handsome soldier.

"everyday, i pray that the most perfect person for me will come along."

he looked so sad when he heard that and replied, "if you truly love me, you would pray that I am that perfect person for you."

it was something you said that once.

and, i will.

izhar's father passed away last night, 12 october 2010 at 00:15.

Innalillahi Wainnailahi Rojiun.

the one who turned 9 on the 9th.

one of my many many favourite pictures of her, i wish she would just stop growing older.

my dearest and littlest (though not so tiny anymore) sister turned 9 yesterday. the sweetheart drew up her wish list a week before her birthday, feeling all excited cause she had been waiting for her next birthday ever since a day after turning 8 last year. i was so proud of her when she did not complain - not even a little bit, when ibu told her that we would be celebrating her birthday next week instead.

bittersweet farewell.

the only reason why i am not complaining that i have to wake up really early on saturday mornings and clock in less than 10 hours of my sleep on a weekend. they draw the sunshine even on rainy saturdays. i am so going to miss each and every bundle of laughter and happiness. clockwise from the left: daniel, ridz, adli, danny, ahmad nawawi, khairunnisa, juwana, nadhrah and shazrina.

to-do list

im going to bore you with my to-do list, which is kind of scaring the shit out of me. procrastination wins hands down. and it scares me more than there is not even one to-do which i could strikeout.

1) DED e-learning discussion (11 oct)

2) DCD tutorial - to make a blog for collaborative writing (12 oct)

3) DLK presentation (13 oct)

4) DCD test (13 oct)

5) DED consultation with Dr. Khong (15 oct)

6) DED group seminar preparation at kak sa'adah's (16 oct)

7) nasrin's birthday bash (16 oct)

8) DED individual assignment (18 oct)

9) DCD group presentation (19 oct)

10) DED group seminar (25 oct)

desperation cry: i am going to try to start something tomorrow, i have to! ya Allah, help!

i miss taking long bus rides.

the journey home on 187 from boon lay interchange reminded me why i love them. your personal message was the longest ever I received from a guy. i had no idea you remembered in such meticulous details. and someone, somewhere out there, loves my smile.

thank you. and i hope you are alright.

i dressed up in syazana's lovely pink dress with my sparkling silver heels, lined my eyes with kohl and traveled for an hour and a half all the way to the east - to attend eddy's sister's wedding. i felt really pretty but no one knew how hard my heart was hammering against the walls of my rib cage cause i was just so nervous.

it was the day i met his family, his entire extended one.

iz had been really great - complimenting on how beautiful i looked and brought me around to introduce me to his family members. he kept me company most of the time, even though there were plenty for him to help around with and filled me in with bits about his aunts and cousins.



my lonely and long journey back to the north got me thinking - its funny that we are the ones who shared the longest history together (that would be 2 and a half years) but i was the only stranger amongst them. the two "future in-laws" mingled with the family amiably, while i sat at a corner, pretending to be interested in whatever i saw.

i dont know if it was because i was an introvert, but i was the one taking the initiative to ask random people questions just to get a conversation started. i thought they would at least be interested in knowing me. and i thought the two "future in-laws" would help me break the barrier since we went out for a double date once, but they seemed to be "part of the family" already, and clearly, it was much more fun talking to their "future family" members.



now, i think its good enough if they can just remember my name.

it could have been the loveliest and most beautiful night with you.
it should not have been what had been.