izhar's father passed away last night, 12 october 2010 at 00:15.

Innalillahi Wainnailahi Rojiun.

the one who turned 9 on the 9th.

one of my many many favourite pictures of her, i wish she would just stop growing older.

my dearest and littlest (though not so tiny anymore) sister turned 9 yesterday. the sweetheart drew up her wish list a week before her birthday, feeling all excited cause she had been waiting for her next birthday ever since a day after turning 8 last year. i was so proud of her when she did not complain - not even a little bit, when ibu told her that we would be celebrating her birthday next week instead.

bittersweet farewell.

the only reason why i am not complaining that i have to wake up really early on saturday mornings and clock in less than 10 hours of my sleep on a weekend. they draw the sunshine even on rainy saturdays. i am so going to miss each and every bundle of laughter and happiness. clockwise from the left: daniel, ridz, adli, danny, ahmad nawawi, khairunnisa, juwana, nadhrah and shazrina.

to-do list

im going to bore you with my to-do list, which is kind of scaring the shit out of me. procrastination wins hands down. and it scares me more than there is not even one to-do which i could strikeout.

1) DED e-learning discussion (11 oct)

2) DCD tutorial - to make a blog for collaborative writing (12 oct)

3) DLK presentation (13 oct)

4) DCD test (13 oct)

5) DED consultation with Dr. Khong (15 oct)

6) DED group seminar preparation at kak sa'adah's (16 oct)

7) nasrin's birthday bash (16 oct)

8) DED individual assignment (18 oct)

9) DCD group presentation (19 oct)

10) DED group seminar (25 oct)

desperation cry: i am going to try to start something tomorrow, i have to! ya Allah, help!

i miss taking long bus rides.

the journey home on 187 from boon lay interchange reminded me why i love them. your personal message was the longest ever I received from a guy. i had no idea you remembered in such meticulous details. and someone, somewhere out there, loves my smile.

thank you. and i hope you are alright.

i dressed up in syazana's lovely pink dress with my sparkling silver heels, lined my eyes with kohl and traveled for an hour and a half all the way to the east - to attend eddy's sister's wedding. i felt really pretty but no one knew how hard my heart was hammering against the walls of my rib cage cause i was just so nervous.

it was the day i met his family, his entire extended one.

iz had been really great - complimenting on how beautiful i looked and brought me around to introduce me to his family members. he kept me company most of the time, even though there were plenty for him to help around with and filled me in with bits about his aunts and cousins.



my lonely and long journey back to the north got me thinking - its funny that we are the ones who shared the longest history together (that would be 2 and a half years) but i was the only stranger amongst them. the two "future in-laws" mingled with the family amiably, while i sat at a corner, pretending to be interested in whatever i saw.

i dont know if it was because i was an introvert, but i was the one taking the initiative to ask random people questions just to get a conversation started. i thought they would at least be interested in knowing me. and i thought the two "future in-laws" would help me break the barrier since we went out for a double date once, but they seemed to be "part of the family" already, and clearly, it was much more fun talking to their "future family" members.



now, i think its good enough if they can just remember my name.

it could have been the loveliest and most beautiful night with you.
it should not have been what had been.

love.

finally completed the 3 batches of pineapple tarts last night - that's approximately 450 pieces altogether. it was a back-breaking ordeal but i had the most wonderful, efficient and littlest helper, whose engine never stopped running. the smell of baking was so good and filled my place for the entire day!

first day of school of year 2 and it was wonderful to see familiar faces of last year. that's the only great part about school this year, really. the crappiest timetable ever for redundant courses. and of course i saw myself last year, mirrored in the year ones this year - selengeh, kiasu and lost.

no matter the five hour break i have on mondays, no matter the mere 1 hour lesson i have on thursdays (in which my journey to school is even longer than that hour!) and no matter the full day week for this semester, i'm going to enjoy every moment of school, while i still can.

i got a little hungry, so i fixed myself a little snack. we had this for break-fast on thursday night but the taste of it was still lingering in my mind and i just had to have another.

i have been on facebook and youtube almost the entire day - some girls look really gorgeous while donning the shawl (as their hijab) and i cant help but feel envious. i lusted over these shawls which come in so many different materials, patterns and colours! just as i was about to get myself one, i remembered my mum telling me (truthfully), "syaz, i think you look nicer in the other kind of tudung."

.. so i did not.

for now, i'll just admire the shawls and still feel envious of the girls who actually do look pretty in them.

22nd of ramadhan.

the last few days into ramadhan and let me show you what we had for break-fast earlier just now - kasturi chicken, tango potatoes and baked potatoes in mushroom cream sauce (syazana's side dish).

while we were preparing dinner, syazana asked me if i felt happy that hari raya was coming, therefore marking the end of ramadhan. no doubt that i enjoy hari raya shopping, getting new traditional costumes and i especially love the spread of delicious food and kuih. the one thing which used to get me so hyped up for hari raya was that i enjoyed getting all those money!

but truthfully, i feel really really sad cause ramadhan is the only month in which Allah gives so much more for our goodwill. and ramadhan is the only month in which we are constantly in prayer and remembering God, while we are fasting and performing our prayers. and i feel really close to Him while performing my duties as a muslimah. and what makes me really sad is that i dont know if i would live another year to see the next ramadhan.