it was something tom said to me late sunday afternoon.
and he wasnt the only one to say that.
.. how can you have only your interest at heart?..

okay.


love itself is a selfish motivation. take it from william blake's 'the clod and the pebble'.
'love seeketh only Self to please,
to bind another to Its delight.'


to be able to have a choice - its fantastic.
but how can having choices be so great, if i had to choose between two most wonderful things?
truthfully?
it scared me alot.
and at a point of time, i told myself that i did not want to do this anymore.

but i had to take that chance at my choice.
if not i wont ever know, would i?
if i didnt take that chance at risking my choice, i may be missing something - which could be the best thing that would have ever happened in my life.


the complete stranger walked away for the final time tonight.
with maroon 5's sweetest goodbye.


its a total of 7 times i have hit the play button.
yeah, i counted.

aicha - outlandish.

thanks a lot, baby.

hmmm.
even the sister's hooked to outlandish's aicha.
exactly a month to the day she has always been anticipating.
and it means its a stint month for me.
whatever.

just last night i blew my dollars on ice-cream for the entire extended family.
fortunately busu's wasnt there.
its rolling in again.

i love the late night conversations with him.
and last night's was not an exception.
but he said something which made me think hard.
.. a million skeletons in your wadrobe.

i dont think i am that mysterious as you think i am, you know.
but.
you may think you know me, but you dont.
not ever.

i kind of miss the background dudes when we are having our talks while he's in camp.
my dear sir,
you've booked out for too long.
i am beginning to miss your men.

i am dreading this month's bill.

outlandish-ing

one night, i asked him what song would he associate me with.
a moment's pause. then he played the song over the phone. completely heartwarming.

last afternoon, i was awakened from my deep slumber by the sister. she had her laptop in her hand. he talked to her online and wanted me to listen to the song at that moment. i told you that he's persistent. calling you by outlandish.

check them out.

middle-east guys are soo hot. especially when they sing or rap in english and spanish.
or.
when they play footie for their country.

okay.
four days into ramadhan.
and a complete 12 days abandonment.










it just happened.
swept me off just like a whirlwind would.



it was one of the toughest.
but i made my choice.








the entire of yesterday with you.
was pure bliss.

you know things are going to get pretty ugly when:





1) one has given his heart to you.
and you adore him.



2) you went out for dinner with another.
but at the back of your mind, thinking of the other that you adore.



3) the entire night spent talking to one other on msn and the phone.
with follow-ups after he had booked in.
he's persistent and he insists.
the one who got suspended back in jc.
flying high at ocs.
7 charges under his name.

you know he's mack on attack,
throwing you off.
and you accepted a night out with him.

but you're still thinking of the other that you adore.

the worst has yet to come -
he is your friend's boyfriend.



4) your younger sister is worried - for you.

she already has plenty on her mind.
with him hitting another car.
her laptop crashing on her.
and who-knows-what-else.
if she's thinking alot, she's doing a good job at masking it.

nana honey.
im sorry i was so mean to you yesterday. =/





its going to be a hell of a thrilling ride.
i know.

watch this space.
period.

he scores.
her - 1. him - 1.
now she has to wait in anticipation.





he wasnt feeling too well yesterday when i saw him.
and today, he got caught in the downpour while riding across the expressway.
without a jacket on. =/

je suis maintenant bien plus déterminé.
nous devons obtenir le convertible.




by the way, im tipping the scales.
all in good time cause its merely a week to ramadhan.


supper with the dearest later at macs.

the hue of the evening sky was entralling.
the sand feltwarm and soft under their bare feet.
the breeze blew her fair from her face, tugged at her wrap-around skirt.

he took her hand as they strolled down the beach.
he loved to hear her chatter.




deeply mesmerised how her sunkissed skin glowed, tinted golden brown.
the way her eyes sparkled and shone while she talked.
the smile that caught his eye the first time they met.
and the alluring scent of her salvatore ferragamo.

she loved the way he looked deep into her eyes.
swooned at his casual surfer boy look, his clearly defined hot bod.
the dimple deeply chiselled into his right cheek.
and the smell of his after-shave cologne and a hint of hugo boss.




it poured heavily.
that took them by surprise.
they were drenched, she could see water droplets dripping from his long lashes.
he pulled her close, held her tight.
he saw her cheeks flush red, her shy smile.




and the world revolved around them.






im still feeling all warm and tingly inside.
and i wont be able to sleep.

she is the reason for the word cool.
national floorball player, in tee and shorts, crumpler slung across her shoulder.
and she's all pretty with a blouse, skirt and makeup on.
she's hit the stride.






its a wonder how much difference can another 1.2 megapix make pictures turn out to be.
thats why i love mine tremendously.







finally.
the scorpion stings.
the score,
her - 1 him - 0

its been 2 nights in a row that i got home past 2am.
friday night was out with dear.
got home after work to change and got him to pick me up.
saturday night was at the guy's place.



i flopped onto the sofa immediately when i got back.
and thats not good.



weddings are always lovely social gatherings.
especially when you dont have to help out at all.
and yes, i was wearing my havaianas.
so selekeh, i know.

syahir's orange idol showing his moves.

love the kompang beats.

cik rizal and cik salsa.

so pink, i know. and its the headless huha'k behind.

groupie.

zonked.

she's a real sweetie.

so the five of us ended up chilling at the nearby mart.
i got them waffles from prima deli.
and i bet rizam never had 4 girls in his room, yet alone on his bed.



got home.
i was so tired of goodness-dont-know-what-i-did, i zonked out right after i changed into my tank top and drawstring pants.
woke up hours later to find the rest having dinner.
and the girl is sleeping over for these 3 days.



he said he was hooked to my dancing.
come on then baby.
lets drop it like its hot.

he's being such a sweetheart by offering to give me a wake up call and send me to school.
even on those days when he has lessons in the morning.
im hoping that i can save my $100/month transport fee then.
guess its jeans or pants for me everyday.



the monthly allowance that im giving him, on top of his own, seems not to be enough.
while witing for the waffles, he was asking about part-time jobs.
then on msn:
fernando torres: kak?
syaz.: yeah?
fernando torres: can i like work for you?
syaz.: but i'll be giving you and your sis allowance for this month. that'll be extra.
fernando torres: but its not enough, i need more.
syaz.: if we were on holiday, there's plenty i can ask you to do, like carry my luggage. now i cant think of any odd jobs.
fernando torres: i'll do anything.
now, i have to think of something.


the last time, i simply glared at him.
he called me up and tried to be nice to make up for what he did.
i knew he was scared of me.
but the man didnt learn his lesson.
i guess i didnt make it crystal clear.
that night he went too far.
if i could have a go at him, i would.
this time it would be much harder to pacify me.
she's served you well and tolerated you enough all the years through, she doesnt deserve it.
its a high time you treated her like a queen.
and yeah, i'll always defend her.
hope you have no problem with that.