i dressed up in syazana's lovely pink dress with my sparkling silver heels, lined my eyes with kohl and traveled for an hour and a half all the way to the east - to attend eddy's sister's wedding. i felt really pretty but no one knew how hard my heart was hammering against the walls of my rib cage cause i was just so nervous.

it was the day i met his family, his entire extended one.

iz had been really great - complimenting on how beautiful i looked and brought me around to introduce me to his family members. he kept me company most of the time, even though there were plenty for him to help around with and filled me in with bits about his aunts and cousins.



my lonely and long journey back to the north got me thinking - its funny that we are the ones who shared the longest history together (that would be 2 and a half years) but i was the only stranger amongst them. the two "future in-laws" mingled with the family amiably, while i sat at a corner, pretending to be interested in whatever i saw.

i dont know if it was because i was an introvert, but i was the one taking the initiative to ask random people questions just to get a conversation started. i thought they would at least be interested in knowing me. and i thought the two "future in-laws" would help me break the barrier since we went out for a double date once, but they seemed to be "part of the family" already, and clearly, it was much more fun talking to their "future family" members.



now, i think its good enough if they can just remember my name.

it could have been the loveliest and most beautiful night with you.
it should not have been what had been.

love.

finally completed the 3 batches of pineapple tarts last night - that's approximately 450 pieces altogether. it was a back-breaking ordeal but i had the most wonderful, efficient and littlest helper, whose engine never stopped running. the smell of baking was so good and filled my place for the entire day!

first day of school of year 2 and it was wonderful to see familiar faces of last year. that's the only great part about school this year, really. the crappiest timetable ever for redundant courses. and of course i saw myself last year, mirrored in the year ones this year - selengeh, kiasu and lost.

no matter the five hour break i have on mondays, no matter the mere 1 hour lesson i have on thursdays (in which my journey to school is even longer than that hour!) and no matter the full day week for this semester, i'm going to enjoy every moment of school, while i still can.

i got a little hungry, so i fixed myself a little snack. we had this for break-fast on thursday night but the taste of it was still lingering in my mind and i just had to have another.

i have been on facebook and youtube almost the entire day - some girls look really gorgeous while donning the shawl (as their hijab) and i cant help but feel envious. i lusted over these shawls which come in so many different materials, patterns and colours! just as i was about to get myself one, i remembered my mum telling me (truthfully), "syaz, i think you look nicer in the other kind of tudung."

.. so i did not.

for now, i'll just admire the shawls and still feel envious of the girls who actually do look pretty in them.

22nd of ramadhan.

the last few days into ramadhan and let me show you what we had for break-fast earlier just now - kasturi chicken, tango potatoes and baked potatoes in mushroom cream sauce (syazana's side dish).

while we were preparing dinner, syazana asked me if i felt happy that hari raya was coming, therefore marking the end of ramadhan. no doubt that i enjoy hari raya shopping, getting new traditional costumes and i especially love the spread of delicious food and kuih. the one thing which used to get me so hyped up for hari raya was that i enjoyed getting all those money!

but truthfully, i feel really really sad cause ramadhan is the only month in which Allah gives so much more for our goodwill. and ramadhan is the only month in which we are constantly in prayer and remembering God, while we are fasting and performing our prayers. and i feel really close to Him while performing my duties as a muslimah. and what makes me really sad is that i dont know if i would live another year to see the next ramadhan.

the last 9 nights into ramadhan.



I just completed the second batch of cornflakes tonight.

the mixing and putting all the ingredients together is really a lot of fun. the smell is awesome. but baking - once you spoil something; over an ounce more on the measurements, over a minute in the oven, will spell disaster. cleaning up is a complete chore with really tough grease and lots of unnecessary tools. arranging the cookies into containers is another task.

I'll take cooking, over baking, anytime.

izhar: no matter what the outcome is, I will be very proud of you.


and that was the sweetest thing anyone had ever said to me. thank you love, for your constant encouragement, undying support and endless believe in me, even when I lost hope in myself. thank you for every ounce of patience you had - even though I know how unbearable, irritating and ridiculous I can get with my constant worrying and totally lack of self-confidence.

i love this boy to bits.




today, i saw the 5 months and money ($1k was bapak's contribution) being paid off.
i thought that the heavy downpour would work against me, and given the lack of confidence I had, the feeling of unpreparedness that I felt, I was going to blow everything.

But - God is greater and He had plans for me, and for that, I thank you Allah. Alhamdulillah.

and bapak's and muzakkir's reactions at the dinner table after breaking fast tonight was timeless.




Just as promised, and I do keep my word, a thank you card to the ever happy and positive mr. yeo, as well as a dinner treat for the family at carousel or straits kitchen in time.

Be careful not to make a woman cry, because Allah (swt) counts her tears. A woman came out of a mans’ rib. Not from his feet to be walked on, not from his head to be superior over, but from his side to be equal. Under the arm to be protected, and next to the heart to be loved.