this whole youtube-hell's-kitchen-watching-thing got to stop soon
if i would like to mute the parents' incessant nagging.





its crazy; everything is.

having to work with people who just cant get along with you,
whip up some signature 'spot on' dishes in 45 minutes flat
and having chef ramsay spitting profanity into your face.

bleep bleep bleep.


and that is just the beginning.
did i say it was crazy?



being on hell's kitchen (virtually) for 5 hours
is making me hungry.

just because ..

i have been feeling ..


it is like there is something at the back of my head, that is causing me so much uneasiness, distress, doubt, uncertainty, torment, unrest. and i feel my heart beat very fast in anxiety and fear. it weighs my head and heart down. it is making me have all these slight headaches, sluggishness and loss of appetite. a session of eating makes me feel nauseous.

i feel myself frowning all the time, thinking about it. it has been going on since late last week. the sheer diappointment seeing nothing of it everyday is like a heartbreak. the half an hour conversation with syahir over the phone did lighten me up a little, but now im back to frowning.

i wish i could confide in someone who is there with me 24/7, someone who understands.
i wish i could just let everything out to someone who hears me out patiently, without having anyone judging me.





please help me
dear God.

enjoy.

syazana was telling nasrin to read out
the tablet's serial number to fix its wireless.



as the sunshine rattled off a few numbers and letters,
she suddenly went,
"kakak, then you draw the tic-tac-toe."


syazana's face broke into that one of
pure bafflement.

after a few unsuccessful shots at explaining to her clueless sister,
the sunshine grabbed a pen and illustrated it.







she drew -
#










a hash sign.

her innocence is
so adorable right.

" .. tucked in a corner of hyatt hotel, straits kitchen is a singapore-inspired restaurant presenting the best of local cuisine in a contemporary 'market place' setting. indulge in an endless parade of local flavours from the halal-certified chinese, malay and indian theatre-kitchens .. "

dinner at hyatt hotel on friday night was
nothing short of a stuffed, bloated stomach.
my stomach actually ballooned to one of a third month pregnancy.
the tab came up to more than $200.





still,
i prefer carousel.

i have an entire 281 pages to complete
for tomorrow morning's book facilitation.

mail mau kawin by muhammad ariff ahmad.





i borrowed the book from woodlands regional library
way back in 2007.

i think the only reason i succumbed to borrowing,
sitting down for a few days and reading it
was because of the plain white-washed book cover,
with a picture of two platinum wedding bands.






and two years later
i dont remember a thing -
except for the main character's name.





throw me a seven hundred paged book by J.K.Rowling
and i'll lap up the pages with greed,
anytime.

and i will still remember,
even the smallest of details,
four years later.







so i have to guiltily admit that
i have decided not to read the novel this time,
and have it googled instead.

and i came across this:
http://pitchaystp.blogspot.com/2008/03/pengajian-e-sastera-tahun-2.html







and i ask myself,
what have i got myself into?

i had no idea
there could be a possibility of
having so many things going wrong
and a new entire whole load on my mind.





i think i worry too much.
how can i not?

i stay in love with you.

im gonna miss you.