ramadhan

alhamdulillah, its 17 days into ramadhan and i am blessed for the health God has given me to carry out fasting easily. however, i am disappointed, with myself, for not being able to carry out as much ibadah as i planned to before ramadhan settled in.

zuhr and asar prayers are done in school, and often rushed. as i was sifting through the telekungs at the musollah, i realised that i just cannot bring myself to wear them to pray anymore. similar to those at the mosques, most telekungs are stained with makeup especially around the face area and some are extremely dirty. i know that the girls who mend the musollah are trying to solve the problem and there is even a friendly note advising users to wipe their face with a tissue prior to putting on the telekung. however, i guess some marks will still be left as it is not the same as using a makeup remover to completely cleanse our makeup off.

i wish i could bring home those telekungs and wash them. however, it takes quite some time for the telekungs to be washed and dried and in the meantime, what should the girls use? today, i decided to leave my abaya there and hopefully it does not get misplaced.

school

school has been overwhelming. with six modules this semester, two modules almost overlapping one another, three examinable ones, the constant changing faces of course mates, i am very confused. the past few lectures and tutorials had been a run though of the course programme and there are a lot to be done with high expectations by the tutors and lecturers. having classes which end at 5.30pm everyday means that i have to battle the overwhelming crowd (who decided to clock off at the same time!) taking the public transport.

today's journey home with a friend reminded me to feel blessed of the given education opportunity we all have been blessed with. he reminded me that somewhere in the world, there are children who are unable to get the education they have always wanted, women are oppressed and not given the rights to education, schools are closed down, demolished and torn down due to various reasons - and here i was lamenting at the system and structure. our meaningful conversation today reminded me of 'forbidden lessons in a kabul guesthouse', a book i just completed.

tiny steps

one of my tutors mentioned about the speed of living in singapore. "here, nobody is walking. everybody is running, like someone is chasing them. they are walking very fast and often busy on their phones. just take a step back and look at people rushing at the mrt stations. in switzerland, they work and study just as hard. but once they clock out from work and school, the entire nation just slows down. you can see men in suits strolling and stopping by a bed of flowers to inhale the fragrance, catching up on their leisure reading on a park bench."

firstly, i decided that after so many gushing reviews on switzerland (except from rage), i have to visit and experience the country myself. secondly, i realised that i had been one of those who walks very fast even while walking home, and therefore leaving myself almost breathless by the time i reach my doorstep. thirdly, while i know it is impossible to take my time walking on my journey to school, i decided to take a stroll while heading home, everyday.

my usual 7-minute walk home extended to a good 15 minutes. i began to notice. i noticed that there had been a brown patched white feline which usually hangs around at the car park near my place, the Malay guy on the second floor of a particular block smokes bare bodied at his balcony, a maid brings a wheelchair-ridden grandmother to the playground while she overlooks her grandchildren playing, and much more. and i also noticed that i don't reach my house gate breathless anymore.

i want to see God's greatness.

i want to see the breath-taking wonders of the world.

i want to experience the different weathers, cultures and traditions.

i want to learn their history and the secrets of their languages.

i want to taste their national dishes.

i want to make friends with their people.

i have been on google maps and reading travel blogs way too much.

alhamdulillah, its into the third day of ramadhan.

paulo coelho's 'the alchemist' kept me company throughout the journey in the train and bus, as well as at the waiting area. a delightfully wonderful read, it makes me realise that there's so much more i need to learn, see, experience and do - starting with learning Arab.

al-markaz recently got back to my email, however the classes will commence every saturday mornings, which are very tight for me. and the next cycle will be a long way after. i do not know where else to start.

school will be starting in a few days time and the timetable has been churned out. it looks alright except for the five hour break on monday and im still clueless as to whom will be in my tutorial group. there's going to be a whole lot of shuffling, getting used to and adapting - which im really not good at.

dear God, please help me.