i filled my tote with a load that friday evening.
expecting to complete them by monday.
but i never touched a single thing in that bag,
ever since i got home that friday night.








an estimated
7 cars and 13 bikes.
we headed to malaysia on sunday morning.

me, syazana, saleha and jannah
piled up into rauf's proton.
with jannah's eldest brother driving.
syazana's ultimate cute and cool abang fadhli chua.
yeah.
she got all esctatic knowing we shared the same surname.

he got us wishing we had elder brothers.
the only thing that keeps me wishing on a wishing star.

music blasting from the stereo.
bodies moving to the beat.
especially to eve's who's that girl.

so we're singing,

uh, uh yo, yo, yo
they wanna know
who's that girl?
la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la.
eve's that girl
la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la.
who's that girl?
la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la.
eve's that girl
la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la.

pictures up on hoirul's facebook.
















so i was having lunch at the lounge.
when my eyes caught the home section of the paper.
the headlines screamed
DEATH ON TWO WHEELS.

"A total of 103 motorcyclists and their pillions never made it home alive last year, a toll that numbered one more than in 2006. This indicates that the roads have become no less dangerous for those who ride on two-wheelers.
Almost half of the 219 motorists who died on the roads last year were on motorbikes or scooters."

omg.
it didnt help when nana sent me an email of a video.
a motorcyclist got hit by a 6-wheeler lorry.
and his body ran over by that lorry thereafter.

as much as i believe that death can take you,
at anytime, any how it would occur and anywhere..
the exact debate i had with ibu when she refused to give me consent to bungee jump at new zealand.
i couldnt help but get worried.





really worried.
so, how?

it was my longest.
from bukit gombak to woodlands.
we rode along the expressway in the rain.
freaking drenched.
thank god his honda was bigger and more stable than fir's kawasaki.
so i shant complain.








skipped school on thursday thanks to some briefing at moe.
all covered by janice, so its cool.
prata at alif's in the late afternoon.
its nice though.











the all-too-familiar blue board.
outrage of modesty.
2 blocks away from mine.
at 0700 hours.
oh my goodness la.
















they broke up already.
wow.

school is starting on the fourteenth.





the brother is running a temperature.
at a freaking high 39.4 degrees.
i have just given him a dose and placed an ice pack on his head.
while he lays on the sofa downstairs playing his gameboy.














it always happens.
when i have too much stuff in my head.
and when i have to think.
i really dont like it.

i am that carefree girl.
but.
how can i go with the flow when the flow is not going?
that catch phrase on the canterbury tee is playing on my mind.
when the going gets tough, the tough gets going.
















time to check on the brother.

for that time, i felt like that guy from just my luck.
my inner strength amazed me so much, seeing that i was still very much alive and not even a slightest hint of breakdown.
so yeah.






the entire of last saturday was the rundown of my 2 years jc life.




morning.
the student council organised a homecoming for the sports ccas.
so we were cordially invited -
including sari's, damai's and ross'.
much has changed ever since we left school, especially the field.
the synthetic grass enabled us to play touch barefooted.


thousands of past soccer team batches came down as well.
so there were like.. a million soccer guys around the grandstand.
plenty of familiar faces. eyebrow raising with slight smiles and catching up.
okay.
its an exaggeration la, but they clearly dominated the area.

evening.
gwen's twenty-first was cool shit.
just off namly avenue, the lounge was located in the middle of singapore's most lavish district.
hundreds of photos uploaded onto most of their facebooks.
horrible unglam candid shots.
here are just some.

my favourite girls.
without elaine (in the toilet), gwen (the birthday girl) and ari (she couldnt turn up).
its been quite some time.
yeah.
and with them around, its all love, fun and laughter.
if you know what i mean.

so.
the theme was back to the primary school days.
i slipped into my secondary uniform and so did many others.
suria did a nice version with her ponytail and plastic frames.
great ambience.
cool music.

in the words of badot.
"always first to the eating table."
im fine with that.
free flow of punch from the bar.

empty plates.
we were still contemplating if the food was halal.

my side of the table.
tucking in our plates from the left -
vivien, ayu, me, fai and suria.
yeah we each had party hats and party poopers.
scrumptious food.
lela wanted to bet how many times i would get my plate filled.

the other side of the table with jessie, syl, lela and azizah.

and those on the couch.
clockwise: pei sean, charlene, joelyn, amenda and elaine.

guilty of greed and gluttony.
the both of them, there should be no finger-pointing.

smashing time playing foosball.
making such racket that we screamed till our throats sore-d.

clearly elaine couldnt contain her exhilaration.
yeah she was the one who scored that goal.

then we dominated the pool table as well.

its been such a long time since ive seen him.
my partner-in-crime.
skipping history lectures and maths classes together.
copying homework.
JJC's rugby winger.
made me eat one of those red eggs for a pole dance.
it stained my hands la.
you owe me one big time, gen xian.

love them.
with all my heart.

apparently some guys popped 2 bottles and drank themselves drunk that they puked 2 sinks full.
disgusting.
awfully flushed red faces.

i got home really late on sunday night.
without calling, which made them all worried sick.
hung out with fir.
plenty to talk about that very night.
after his two sticks, he got me on his bike and rode me home.
near midnight.

the sister felt it.
especially when she heard the motorbike.
she just knows, i dont know how.

the parents were already out of the house, to go and find me.
when i happened to stroll along the corridor to my house.
i was really nonchalant.
i sat at the staircase landing, listening to them reason out with me why i should call them if i was going to be late.
and how anxious they were.
half an hour later when i could finally retire into my bedroom, my mother appeared at the doorway and started.
and at that point of time, i was so tired that i said, "ibu, please give me a break. with all these things on my mind, i cannot think already."

and ibu laughed!

i watched syahir drying up my gadget baby.
with syairah's words playing on repeat.
"its like reviving your dead pet."
it was hopeless.







an excuse.
for me to ask one for my coming twenty first.
a vertu perhaps.

woah.
yeah. that is how busy i have been.



i wanted to blog that night.
you know, for the sake of seeing the last 07 post published.
but then.
i was burnt-out by the time i got home.
and i dont think it would matter since it was already past 1am.
the fireworks were phenomenal though.
i cant imagine how i had flopped into bed with my jeans still on, unbrushed teeth and unwashed face.
but yeah. i was that tired.
not that i have never done it before, but each time i do, i wake up the next morning feeling all guilty and bothered.
right now, the possibility of breaking out is threatening me.
fine. i'll worry about it later.






so its au revoir 07 and bonjour 08.
what i initially deemed to be freaking bitter turned out really sweet.
thank you so much for making all the impossible possible.
with all that overwhelming love and laughter.
you guys know who you are.
i love you.











as i told fir and wazi.
i really dont need it anymore.
but somethings are just holding me back despite the unpleasant affairs.
they know its them.
they brought me to a whole new level of understanding.
challenging the conventional stereotype.
its very scandalous, in that merely 40 metres square area.
skeletons in their cupboards.
those of the staff, people around and the mac riders.
and who can ever forget adorable jenny?
she's our shared baby.
thanks to the riders who feed her every so often that she's becoming really fat.

i was telling him that night.
he took it so seriously that he made a confession.
i pretended not to hear and made him repeat it.
he didnt.
but i heard him loud and clear.
every single word.
im just going to act all nonchalant.








its dee's first day of school.
ultimate cuteness in the oversized uniform.
i brought her to the hairdresser last friday and she was given the victoria beckham bob.
she looked so cute that irah couldnt stop gushing.
even hir stayed throughout the four sittings of her dance that she made us watch.

it was cool just chilling with them throughout the weekend.
despite my torn jeans and skin while on the treadmill. all thanks to syahir.
lounging by the poolside.
swimming without the tan.
oh yeah.
and the vastness of the night sky and golf course all to ourselves.
and thanks to abel and brandon.
i stayed up till near 6am for many consecutive days to watch prison break and heroes.






the parcels from down under were awesome.
she's really spoiling me crazy.
and she loves it that i love them.










oh yeah.
day out with the girls tomorrow.
multiple games on saturday morning.
followed by gwen's birthday bash in the evening.
thanks to the theme, i have yet to find my costume.










the girl got me reading about yajuj and majuj (gog and magog).

Gog and Magog, or Yajuj and Majuj among the Arabs, are mentioned in the Koran and by most Arabic geographers as more or less mythical peoples. The chief interest in them centers about two points: (1) the wall built by Dhu al-Ḳarnain (Alexander the Great) to shut them off from the rest of the world, and (2) their reappearance as a sign of the last day. Geographically they represent the extreme northeast, and are placed on the borders of the sea which encircles the earth. Descended from Japheth, son of Noah, they number twenty-four tribes. Six of these are known by name (one being that of the Turks); and the number of each tribe equals that of all the other people in the world. Some say that they belong to the Chazars, who are all Jews (Yaḳut, ii. 440).

They resemble animals in their habits; and Mas'udi classes them among the beasts. They used to ravage the country, devouring every green thing; and it was to prevent this that the people living near them begged Alexander to build the wall shutting them in. It is even said that they were cannibals (Baiḍawi).

The wall is generally supposed to have been at Derbent, although in later times it seems to have become confused with the Great Wall of China (Abu al-Fida). The geographers frequently quote an account of it given by Sallam, the interpreter. The calif Wathiḳ Billah had seen the wall destroyed in a dream, and he sent Sallam to investigate. The latter recounts marvelous things of the countries through which he passed on his way thither, and gives a minute description of the wall itself. It was built in a gorge 150 cubits wide, and reached to the top of the mountains. Constructed of iron bricks embedded in molten brass, it had a peculiar red-and-black striped appearance. In it was an immense gate provided with a giant bolt, lock, and key, the last of which was suspended by a chain. Yaḳut remarks on this story that God, who knoweth all things, also knows whether it be true or not, but of the existence of the wall there can be no doubt, since it is mentioned in the sacred book.

As one of the signs of the approaching day of judgment this wall will be broken down and Yajuj and Majuj will appear at Lake Tiberias, the water of which the vanguard of their hosts will entirely consume, so that the rear will pass over on dry ground. They will then proceed, eating every one they meet, even corpses, and every green thing, until they come to Jerusalem. Here, until God shall destroy them, they will annoy Jesus and his faithful companions. It is said that Mohammed gave Yajuj and Majuj an opportunity to embrace Islam on the occasion of his night journey to Jerusalem; but they refused to do so, and consequently are doomed to destruction.

source: http://www.jewishencyclopedia.com/view.jsp?artid=292&letter=G
think of the beings in the movies the descent and i am legend.
oh yeah.
and gollum from lord of the rings.
i think thats how they most probably look like.
scary.










something to get you going.
and believing in yourself again.

“What you need to know is this: before a dream is realized, the Soul of the World tests everything that was learnt along the way. It does this not because it is evil, but so that we can, in addition to realizing out dreams, master the lessons we’ve learnt as we’ve moved towards that dream. Thats the point at which most people give up. Its the point at which , as we say in the language of the desert, one ‘dies of thirst just when the palm trees have appeared on the horizon’. Every search begins with the beginner’s luck and every search ends with the victor’s being severely tested. “
- the Alchemist




















now.
what was it about clogged pores and breaking out?